Grateful to have a life, grateful to be alive

Trigger warning: mention of anxiety, depression & attempted suicide

This guest feature has been written by Cheska, creator of @delicatepickleworld on Instagram (make sure to check out her page for some adorable quotes & affirmations!). In the feature, Cheska talks about her empathic tendency to absorb other people’s energy, and how with the help of her counsellor she’s started paving the way towards leading a more positive life!

“I was in the bath about to end my life when something clicked

Growing up, I always felt different.

I always reacted differently to other people in average daily situations. I was always so aware of everything going on around me, and I have always felt so connected to people and what they’re thinking or feeling – so much so that I tended to take their feelings (good and bad) and make them my own, so that they didn’t feel alone.

I have always been very sensitive and extremely anxious, and it took me until the age of 23 to finally seek professional help for past traumas and everyday anxiety and depression.  I have had so many ups and downs in life, with the past year and a half being my lowest point.

However, without a doubt there was definitely a turning point.

It’s very hard to define or explain, with the only way I can think of is that I was in the bath about to end my life when something clicked. I don’t know what it was, but something inside and around me happened – it was almost like the world had shifted and I knew what to do now.

Whilst I still have a long way to go and lots of work to do, that moment certainly changed my life, as traumatic and upsetting as it was. That moment showed me so much, and now my approach to life is changing for the better. 

“I am grateful to have a life, I am grateful to be alive”

I am still on my journey and trying to figure things out for myself, but the few things I have learnt have impacted me in ways I never imagined.

The past few months I have found myself in situations I did not like, but that I had absolutely no control over. With hard work with my counsellor and self-reflection, I have found that if I can train my mind to focus on what I can control in that situation, then the outcome of my day changes.

For example, I don’t like where I am, but I am not able to go where I want; so instead, I focus on cleaning, listening to my favourite songs and having a self-care day. These activities instantly put me in a more positive mindset and make me feel like I can accomplish more.

I also believe that the key to a more positive mindset is knowing it’s normal and okay to be negative sometimes – not every thought has to be positive, but it’s all about finding the balance between knowing it’s okay to be negative and trying to be more positive when you feel yourself going into a spiral.

I had isolated myself when I was in a more negative headspace and wanted to be invisible, so the people close to me didn’t know about it at all. But I guess if anything, people now say that I am more open and vulnerable (in a good way), and that I allow my experiences to help me in my journey and share them to help other people in their journeys. Some people have noticed that I am okay now – even when I am not okay, I am okay.

I am grateful to have a life, I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful that each day I am able to wake up and have a choice and opportunities to improve my life and trust the universe to take me where I need to be.

A big thank you to Cheska, for sharing your story! Readers can connect with her via Instagram (@delicatepickleworld) and by visiting her YouTube channel.

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